The place known as Soy in Uasin Gishu county.

 By Jerome Ogola

Someome asked me where Soy is and I won't usurp the role of google maps to explain the geography of this place and will instead give you some little history and some little information, you won't find anywhere else

To begin with Soy is America, the land opportunity, an addictive place where one cannot relocate from, unless you kill someone or take a KWFT loan. At least from experience, these two are the only factors that have made people leave Soy, for good

As we proceed, it is important that you know that Soy, is an agemate of Kisumu, Nairobi and Eldoret, only that it might've suffered a ratoon stunting disease and refused to grow. It is a "katumani" a "mbilikimo" or what we called a "Congo Zaire" when we were young, when someone misled us that the tallest Congolese is the height of a cooking jiko

Soy was founded in 1914 by Lt Col G. Swinston, who had retired from the British Royal army, when he established a hotel, and a ranch in the vast jungle of land. He named his facility Soy Club, a term the adopted from the natives, and later when a trading center germinated, it grew with the name Soy. Those who know history, know too well that the Kenyan white highlands was used by the British government as pension for retirees of it's army men

Swinston died in the 60s while aged more than 80 years and was buried in Turbo

Soy is the only place in the world which like an audio cassette, has side A and side B, and like siamese twins, they are conjoined at the hip by a stream called Mtoni Police. As such, the two townships, Soy A and Soy B, are three kilometers apart

It also takes the record of the cheapest place to live in as it is the only town in the world you can get a meal at only ten bob. We all know that in Kenya, cartels, just like idiots, are strategically distributed in a way that at least each locality has one, and Soy too has their fair share of cartels

This is how they work. They operate, food joints and to effect a price increment for mandazi, at the time the bun is selling at 5 bob, they begin by introducing a bigger mandazi of 10 bob. The buyers can choose which one fits their pocket and or stomach

After a week, they withdraw the smaller mandazi of 5 bob, and you can only buy that of 10 bob. Finally, they reduce the size of the 10 bob mandazi to the original size of that of 5 bob, and that is how th price will double without the buyers noticing. Cartels will finish us

It is easy to tell someone who comes from Soy at Facebook. Mostly, their profile photo has a Soy Club background and their profile mostly indicate they attended Seregeya Secondary. In the streets, it is even more easy, they always have a cotyledon of roasted maize in their teeth, mostly in August and September

On Fridays, market day, we wear suits and leave very early for the market. On Christmas, we wear new clothes and since they cannot be seen if we stay at home, we walk up the road and down the road and up the road, again and again, until midnight, when Christmas ends

It is also home to the late George. Once upon a time, when a certain businessman was robbed of his gun and police were everywhere looking for it, and arresting everyone, they met George, who had taken sisal juice and asked him "bunduki iko wapi" and he responded "iko kwa police station"

It is the home of ajuoga Patrick Eshikumo and Gem Nduta Nzola and they shouldn't tell you otherwise